Category Archives: Abuse in the Workplace

Using Technology as a means to fire and bully makes you a Jerk!

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It all started back when I was in Kindergarten. I was an exceptional runner (which I can no longer proclaim) and was set to run in our school Olympics. I was stoked. I was prepared. I was set to win. And I did.

The only problem came after I won when a CLASS BULLY came and bullied me right out of my ribbons that I had won. She didn’t win and she was pissed! She decided to take that anger out on me and force me into handing over my well-deserved prized ribbons. She threatened me physically if I didn’t turn them over. And I was much smaller than she was. So I caved in.

Had that happened as I had gotten older I don’t know that I would have caved in so easily.  Things have changed and I have dealt with more bullies in my lifetime than you can shake a stick at.

I’ve dated bullies, married bullies and even worked with bullies. And they all suck! They try to force you into something you’re not comfortable doing and demand that you adhere or else! They try to make you feel bad, guilty or some other twisted emotion until you cave.

As of late, I’ve heard all kinds of horrendous stories of bullies in school who cause other children to take their own lives, bullies in marriages who cause the other to wind up on an episode of “Snapped” as well as bullies online, whether at work or in social circles in general.

The thing is, not allowing students or employees on social media just because of potential risks is not the root of the problem. If someone is a bully, they’re going to be a bully at school, at work, at home or online. It’s just a fact. If someone’s an ass, they’re gonna be an ass wherever.

Some argue that social media allows folk to hide behind technology in the appearance of bullying but I suggest that it’s just another channel for someone to be a jerk.

I’ve recently even heard of employer’s firing through text messages, email and the like – and that just boils down to poor communication and management skills. They’re just wimping out and perhaps hate confrontation. If that’s you, stop it and man up.

I propose this: It’s not the fault of the technology, it’s how it’s used.

What do you think?

For more into the profile of a workplace bully check this.

Photo Credit: EntitySolutions

Abusive Bosses and Bad Marriages

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Here is a previously written post I thought I’d share. I’m still recovering from #ILSHRM12. Enjoy!

Years ago, after going through my divorce of eighteen loooooooooong years of marriage, I felt I wanted to leave my job, pack up and move somewhere new. Somewhere where no one knew me or my husband or his mother (God rest her soul – no, she’s not dead yet).

See, I am from a small town of about 70,000 people which not seem that small but had the mentality of Mayberry. Everyone knew everyone else’s business.

So while at my current position in the travel agent industry, I started looking for jobs online – which was totally a new concept and not like looking and applying for jobs online today. I came across a position of Executive Assistant to the President of a company, which encompassed all of my previous experience including making travel arrangements.  It was also a lot more money than I was making in my current position. So I applied for the position via fax (I know, old-school) and then was contacted for an interview.

I headed over to Jacksonville, FL for the interview (about a 3 1/3 hour hike) and met with them, fell in love with the office manager and met with Owner/President of the company. He seemed normal enough and it appeared they hired me on the spot. I can honestly say I felt like I had my game on because I was preparing for what I was going to do once the divorce was finalized.

After the divorce, I moved to Jacksonville and started my new job. I was totally stoked to be having a new start! A new life in a bigger city where I knew no one – it felt as if my slate was wiped clean.

About a month into it, I started seeing warning signs. The lady who was the office manager started hitting on me indirectly (my first sexual harassment from a chick) and my boss was literally out of his mind. He would be the nicest guy one minute and then the moment things did not go his way would yell and scream at me. It felt like being right back in the middle of my bad marriage.

I remember one day I had booked his flight and made sure to have a limo driver there at the airport to pick him up and take him on his way – and something happened where the limo company dropped the ball and no one was there to take him to his important meeting. Now I’m sure he could have taken a cab and mentioned it later but instead, called me and reamed me a new one.  I did confront him later and told him I did not have to take that kind of abuse from anyone, much less him and he apologized but somehow, I knew it would happen again.

So I had a few choices (just like with my bad marriage). I could continue putting up with it, suck it up, continue being abused and make it work. Or, I could start looking for something else there in my new place of residence . Lastly, I could head back home with my tale between my legs feeling like a failure and move in with my parents.

Neither of these sounded like great options for me and I tried looking for work there while I continued to take the abuse but nothing happened. So I went to the office manager and my boss and told them that it really was not working out and I was moving back to Alabama. Can you believe they gave me 3 weeks severance pay? Go figure.

The end is in sight

In the end, I went back home and moved in with my parents until I could find something there in town in which I was able to do within a couple of months. I started as a Human Resource assistant and worked my way through the company which took me on a completely different path in my career.

It all worked out even though there were definitely some rocky places along the way. It all was a learning experience and brought me where I am today. But, I did have to make the choice.

I suppose I could have stayed in that horrible environment and put up with it like some folks do (and continue to complain about how bad they have it) just like I could have in my bad marriage.

But, like many others, I chose to move on and was the better for it.