Category Archives: Be encouraged

Ever feel like you’re living in the movie Groundhog Day?

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groundhog dayIf I’ve heard it once, I’ve heard it a million times that the definition of insanity is “doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.”

I’m not sure if that is true or not but it definitely gets one thinking.

I thought of the movie “Groundhog Day” with Bill Murray (who happens to be a native of Chicago and a true Bears fan). This is one of my very favorite movies. It is so far-fetched and funny that I seriously laugh out loud every time I watch it. I am embarrassed to say, I’ve seen it more than 7 or 8 times (I own the DVD).

I think I can relate to it in many aspects because in my lifetime (that short span of 47 years), I have often felt that drudgery of doing the same thing – over and over and over again. You wake up, have your coffee, read a little, check your emails, get in the shower, get dressed, go to work, drive home, fix dinner, deal with the kid, deal with the husband, clean up, get the kid ready for bed and then go to bed yourself all to wake up the next day and do the same thing over and over again. It becomes a rut in which we often find ourselves.

Perception is key. How we view what we are experiencing is key to our well-being and how we will cope.

Looking back at the movie, He wakes up every day and it’s Groundhog Day. A day in which he hates. He is forced to face the same people saying the same things in this little town that he hates. He is quite miserable but watch what begins to happen as his heart starts softening up and he realized he can never get beyond this dilemma until he accepts it and changes some things in his life, especially his outlook and response to what is happening in and around him.

I encourage you to watch the movie, which by the way, was filmed just 20 minutes north of where I live in the suburbs of Chicago in a little town called Woodstock, IL. I love going there and seeing the little town which totally takes me back to the scenes in the movie. It puts a smile on my face.

A couple years ago, I was there shopping with my friend Lorrie during the Christmas holidays. We drove past the home they used as The Inn where Bill Murray stayed. Here is the picture I took.

What can we learn from all this?

Accepting what we cannot change, going with the flow, and saying to ourselves“How can I come out of this or through this alive and with a greater appreciation for those things that once brought stress, anger and depression and be the better for it all.”

Happy Groundhog Day! I hope that rascal figures it out.

How the media plays on our emotions during the Holidays

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I can’t help but think of how the media plays on our emotions to sell us stuff. This is especially true during the Holidays. Are you with me?

I think back to a few years back when I would get so caught up into the hype of feeling pressured to get everyone on my list (and then some) a gift during the holidays. It stressed me out, depleted my banking accounts and put me in a real bind on my credit cards. All to “look good” in front of family and friends, with a pretense of “I love you so much I wanted to get you this.”

It’s pressure I didn’t need and don’t need today.

I’ve learned over the years that I don’t have to give in to the pressure and hype of the media to have to do anything. I’m sure some of this came about the hard way – but I wouldn’t change this feeling for the world. I don’t owe anybody anything. I don’t have to get family or friends anything for birthdays or holidays – I just don’t have that pressure that commercials make us feel, especially during Christmas. Now if I want to, that’s a different story.

Recently, a family member told me that if they didn’t bake 5 pies and ten zillion dozen cookies to go to so-and-so’s house for Thanksgiving then they just couldn’t go. I was like – wait, what?

I’m pretty sure so-and-so wasn’t expecting anything to be brought to their house but this family member had it in their brain that they HAD to do this. They put this undue pressure on themselves. This same family member (name withheld) sits and watches Christmas commercials and says “Aw, I need to go shopping before everything in the store is gone” and they don’t have a pot to pee in.

Need I say more?

The media and advertisers are there to create this fantasy in our heads so we’ll go out and get their products. That’s just a fact! They use family pics, fireplaces, and those things that remind us of what we think we need to be happy to play on our emotions so we’ll buy their stuff or go to their businesses.

Can we all get past this nonsense during the holidays?

How’s about we do it out of sheer love and generosity without having the feeling of “having to do this or that” when it comes to buying gifts or doing things for people. And if our pocket-book can’t afford it then we just send a nice card or Starbucks gift card.

Don’t go broke just to keep up with the Jones’ or because you don’t want to look bad. And don’t work all next year and never see your family, simply so you can pay off all the sh#$ you bought during the Holidays.

Give your time and love. That’s what people will remember after the stuff is gone.

My Recap of SHRM’s #WorkFlex12 Conference – and how it affected me, personally

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I had known for about 7 months that I would be attending SHRM’s WorkFlex 2012 Conference here in Chicago that commenced yesterday because they had asked me to be one of their session speakers. And I knew that they were having a roll-out of some fabulous speakers, but I had no idea how much it would change me personally.

Sometimes we find ourselves in a funk, especially when we’re trying to juggle (Work and Life) the very things we are preparing to discuss in some sort of public seminar or speaking engagement. This used to happen quite frequently when I traveled and spoke across our nation many years ago. I never thought it would happen to me this time.

I’ve been doing this juggling act with work and life now through so many life-changes; the loss of a job, the loss of my husband’s career and trying to help him navigate his next move, car issues, home issues, family issues. Add all this to your current work-load and starting a new business is sometimes very challenging. Who am I kidding? It’s sometimes overwhelming and keeps me up at night (and not in a good way).

I headed to the conference on Wednesday, not making Tuesday because of many of the issues I stated above. I had been up all night the night before heading in and was running on about 2 hours of sleep. I knew it was going to be a long day and I would need to somehow dig down deep for some kind of supernatural strength to be able to make it till the end of my session, not to mention blogging and sitting through numerous sessions and a few keynoters that I wanted to be in on.

I will admit that I have been on an emotional roller-coaster and a bucket of nerves for several weeks now. And I was starting to feel sorry for myself and I could sense myself chewing on a bitter weed of discontent. Even my close friends were kind enough to point it out. I had indeed become a Debbie Downer to be around. One of those very people I can’t stand to hang with, I had become.

And guess what? Something happened.

I had sat in on a couple of fabulous sessions back to back in the morning and was able to live-tweet several nuggets. And then I went in to hear JR Martinez speak.

As he began we found ourselves laughing at his humorous jabs at the audience and then so many of the things he shared began hitting very close to home and I kind of had an epiphany. Something started shifting inside me. A paradigm shift, for lack of a better explanation.

If you haven’t heard his story I highly recommend it. Having come through so many challenges (which seems like an inappropriate word) and finding the strength to go on is his mantra and was what I needed to hear to get me outta my funk.

Here are a few things he shared that struck me:

  • Everybody has a story. (This is something to always keep in the back of our minds, especially when we’re dealing with people. It tends to make us more sympathetic).
  • Being flexible is MUST! Plans change, either by our choices or the fact that life is unpredictable. But even the high rise buildings around us are created to be flexible to be able to stand the atmospheric conditions.
  • Adapt and Overcome! No matter what comes your way.
  • Every single person has strengths and weaknesses. When we find ourselves in a crossroads of life, we need to find our strengths. Dig deep!
  • There comes a point in life when there’s nothing else you can do but simply throw your hands up and laugh! Even in the midst of difficulty.
  • Your life can completely change in one moment. How are you going to respond to it? Are you going to quit or fight?
  • In his darkest of times he made the decision to forget about his long-term plans he had created and focus on the short-term. How could he remain positive – today? Tomorrow will take care of itself.

In the end, he started talking of how he made it out of his “funky time” because he started thinking of how he could give back. He started volunteering his time, through his darkest of moments, and visiting others who had gone through horrible experiences of their own. This drew him out of himself and his own pity party, and once again, created purpose.

Sometimes we need reminders that cause us to think differently, whether it’s how to incorporate new ideas in the workplace, juggling our own work and life initiatives, or simply seeing that inside each and every one of us is a hidden strength that if found can pull us out of the deepest and darkest of places. They cause us to once again help us re-focus, re-group and find our purpose.

Thank you SHRM, for bringing this conference to my city and allowing me to have been a part of something life-changing.

Defining your purpose; Personally, Professionally and Managerially

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Today’s guest post comes from another online connection, Travis Sinquefield, HR Manager and Consultant for H&S Companies, P.C. and writes over at DevelopingOrganizations. Check it out, I think you’ll like it!

Recently, I have been thinking a lot about personal development. I am the kind of person who is always thinking about where I am currently and where I want to be, at least on a professional level. I have not given much thought of where I want and should be on a personal level, however.

This past weekend I read “How Will You Measure Your Life?” by Clayton Christensen. If you are not familiar with him, he is a management professional at the Harvard Business School and the preeminent scholar on innovation. I was drawn to this book, not just because I am a fan of Clay, but also because of the difficult he was going through when we decide to write this book, which includes battling cancer and then having a stroke. As you can imagine, this was quite a time of introspection for him.

In the book, he references many different management theories and how they can be applied to your personal life. At the end of the book, he gives out a three step process for helping to determine your purpose in life:

  1. Determine the “likeness” in which you would like to be – i.e. decide what kind of person you want to be and what you stand for, both personally and professionally
  2. Commit yourself to doing everything possible to make your ideal likeness become a reality
  3. Develop a metric to measure your progress and success

While this seems like a pretty simple process, in reality in can take many years to fully realize the process and apply it to your life. For Clay, it took over 15 years. For myself personally, I hope it won’t take that long because these are questions I have been considering, albeit in different forms, over the years.

As an HR Manager, I have been tasked by the leaders in my organization to work with each employee on a development plan. This spring, during our annual reviews (we do in May after tax season, due to the nature of our work), I sat down with each manager and also each employee and we came up with a couple development goals for each person. Most of these were more general in nature and not quantitative at all, such as getting a particular certification or working towards becoming a tax expert in a particular area.

Clay has me thinking how I work his thoughts and ideas into the development process. I discussed with each employee on where they would like their career to go, but I never really discussed with them their purpose in life and the type of life they want to lead on both a professional and personal level. I am hoping for many of them that their purpose is to be an accountant (or otherwise we might have to have some other discussions), but I really think it is important for every individual to take the time to reflect on what their purpose in life is and how they will measure their life.

Maybe I am a bit out of the ordinary, but I believe organizations should take an active role in both the personal and professional development of their employees. After all, they will probably spend more time with us at work than with their families. In addition, as CPA’s, they are the face of our firm to the public and represent not only themselves but also the company. I would think we would want our employees to represent us well.

As a leader within your organization, have you taken the time to help individuals develop on a personal and professional level? Have you asked them what their purpose is in life, and the standards by which they are going to measure themselves?

Just as important, have you asked yourself the same questions? I know I have. I just have to remember that asking the questions is the easy part – it’s finding the answers that are difficult.

Photo Credit: helpyourself2life

About the Author:

When he isn’t trying to become a blues legend in the confines of his basement and chasing around 2 little kids at home, Travis is an HR Manager and Consultant at H&S Companies, P.C., an accounting and business consulting firm in Grand Rapids, MI. After wandering through a career in financial services, he completed an MBA in Human Resource Management from University of Wisconsin-Whitewater and made the switch to working in the trenches of human resources. He is also fascinated with the field of organizational behavior, particularly on the topics of competence, motivation, and leadership. He can be found on Twitter and on LinkedIn.

Just because Lance Armstrong quit, doesn’t mean you have to!

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Today we awake to the news that “Lance Armstrong finally quits.” He’s been battling allegations of misuse of drugs for performance for a while and one reporter even states, “In the end Armstrong quits, and by quitting, he admits his guilt.”

Whether that’s true or not, I’m sure we’ll never know – we can only speculate. Perhaps he was just.plain.tired. of fighting this losing battle.

Lance was one of those who went through major stuff and his message was basically. “Don’t let anything get in your way. You can make it through anything, if you persevere and have determination.” Another writer states this about him:

Lance beat everything that came his way. He didn’t relent. If there was a fight to still fight, he would have fought it. Now we’re burned by another fraud masquerading as a hero.

In a matter of months we have learned that college football’s winningest coach enabled a pedophile, the MVP of baseball’s All-Star Game used testosterone and cycling’s biggest star chose to no longer hold back the mountain of doping allegations against him. It’s a sad few weeks when Joe Paterno’s statue goes into storage and Melky Cabrera disappears from the pennant race and Lance Armstrong says “no mas.” Suddenly, nothing seems sacred anymore.

Each brought hope and joy to a lot of people’s worlds. Paterno inspired generations of football players to be better men. Cabrera gave San Francisco four wonderful months of baseball, and Armstrong made millions believe they could do anything.

Seriously? Nothing is sacred anymore because our heroes fall? What a crock!

Listen, all are created equal when it comes to temptation. We are all tempted in one aspect or another – throughout our lifetime. And no one is immune. Perhaps we place these folks on too high a pedestal – and then when they screw up we’re like, “See there! I knew it.”

Don’t be one of those waiting for others to fail just to prove your theory.

The thing is, whether someone walks a chalk line, doesn’t give into the temptation buzzing around them, or whether they take the bait and fall flat on their face – THE MESSAGE IS STILL THE SAME. The message of hope, of perseverance, of fighting till the finish, of beating cancer till the death, – doesn’t change. It doesn’t change just because someone failed.

It’s just like religion.

Just because you have extremists, and all kinds of people who are cray-cray, it doesn’t change the message. It may affect the organization or the team, but it doesn’t change the message. I cannot stress that enough.

Put your trust in people and there’s a chance they may fail. We take that risk when we put our trust out there. But we don’t pack our bags and say, “I’m never watching sports again because someone’s going to ruin it for me. They’re going to screw up.”

No! We keep on keepin’ on and we hope that someone will have the balls to walk the talk.

There’s still hope that you or your loved one will fight cancer and win. My dad did. There’s still truth that you can fulfill life-long dreams. We see this everyday, in everyday people around us.

We don’t quit, just because someone else did.

Photo Credit: theamazing39stonecyclist

The Ultimate gesture of Respect

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I know many of you watched the 20120 Summer Olympics because I saw your gazillion postings on Facebook. I’m good with that. I don’t get into them that much though I loved the opening ceremony with Rowan Atkinson aka Mr. Bean. He cracks me up.

I do, however, watch the Winter Olympics and especially love snowboarding. It’s probably due to the fact that there’s nothing else to do in Chicago in Winter except hibernate. I kid.

While the Summer Olympics shenanigans were going on I had to hear about it from everyone else and one such case was that of Olympian Oscar Pistorius, the first double amputee ever to run track in the Olympics. Here’s a guy who at 11 years of age had his legs amputated and yet has kept the dream of one day running in the Olympics.

Oscar’s dream was to compete against “able-bodied” athletes in the Olympics, and the man also known as “The Blade Runner” was able to do just that in the 2012 Olympics in London.

Not only did Oscar compete in the men’s 400 meters, he qualified for the semi-finals, which was his personal goal.

Let me first say, that before the Olympics I was somewhere, out and about, and overheard a conversation where someone said, “Yeah, but if they let this guy participate in the Olympics, the rest of them are going to feel entitled.” Ok, this burned my butt. What? And this was in America where I heard this statement. Land of the free, home of the brave, equal rights for everyone. I was appalled.

Entitled? Shouldn’t everyone, no matter their circumstance or disability, be entitled?

I love stories of folks, against all odds, fighting their way to the finish line. They inspire me to go beyond what I feel, think or am going through.

You can read more of the back-end of the story HERE and how he had to fight to be allowed to participate. Some agree that he had the right and some don’t.

Though there are still naysayer’s rambling about shoulda, coulda, woulda’s, yet this story has inspired people from all over the world, including fellow runner and World Champion sprinter from Grenada, Kirani James. Watch what he does at the end of the race:

As soon as the race was over, James, who finished first in the heat and is a favorite to win the gold, walked over to Pistorius, and traded nametags with him in the ultimate sign of respect for all he has accomplished. I love that. And when James was asked about this gesture afterward, said:

He’s an inspiration for all of us. What he does takes a lot of courage, just a lot of confidence. He’s very special to our sport. He’s a great individual and it’s time we see him like that and not anything else.

For Oscar, he leaves London having fulfilled a lifelong dream and saying:

“It just felt really magical. If I could predict what it would feel like or imagine beyond my wildest dreams, this was probably 10 times that. To step out in front of a crowd this massive, it’s a mind-blowing experience. I’ve had support in the last couple of days like I have never felt before.”

This is truly a story of perseverance on the part of Oscar, and adding Kirani James’ inspirational gesture, a story of great sportsmanship. It shows great love and respect for humankind. One without barriers.

Isn’t that, not only the Olympic Games, but what life is truly about?

Now, if we could put this into practice with work, home and our everyday lives.

Photo Credit: BeaumontEnterprise

Losing that one, sure thing

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Having no car to get around can really be a test; to your pride, your independence and so much more. I’ve pretty much gotten used to it to the point where I don’t make any bones about it – for the most part.

You see, about 5 years ago when I was still living in Alabama I was living what we’ve been told is the American dream. A cushy job, making bank, driving a Mercedes – everything appeared perfect. I even met my current husband during this time. Who’da thought it could have gone sour. It was the good-life.

After having been married 18 lonnnnnnnnnnnnnnnng years to someone who really didn’t care about having the best cars I had always dreamed of owning a Mercedes and just knew I would have one someday. After my divorce I first had a really cool black Mustang with red leather interior. That car was sweet! I had an amazing job in which I had worked hard to attain, was making really good money and was traveling quite a lot with work and those Mustang seats were killing my back when driving long distance. It was great to look at and had superb speed but it wasn’t very practical.

I would occasionally do a drive by the local Mercedes dealership just to keep my dream fertilized and one day I just decided to stop and take a look at a couple newer models. There it was. The car I had dreamed of. Nothing too fancy. A C230 Kompressor. Black leather interior. Black exterior. I sat in that car and took it for a drive and I knew I had to have it. I had always thought some man would buy me my dream car but I was so proud of myself after having been through a very difficult divorce and walking out on everything – pretty much starting over, that I could actually finally afford this car.

I was approved for financing (because I had worked so hard to repair my bad credit from previous mistakes) and drove that car off the lot within a week or so of first test driving it. Did I mention, I loved that car?

About a year or so later, I met my husband Nick. We dated for a while after having been friends for a year and we married and he left his home in Chicago and moved to Alabama. We found an amazing house and bought, moved in and all was good until I could tell things at my job were getting weird.

I was a top salesperson in an industry dominated by men and guys were getting testy, jealous and since I was the only woman, my boss and the fellas got together and decided to throw more work at me, that I could start coming into the office and do a little paperwork along with my other duties. I was livid. After all, I was making this company a decent amount of profit and I felt I had the best work ethics, follow-up and customer service out of all the rest.

I wound up telling my boss, I’d have to think about his offer of more work and laying aside my being able to work out of my home office to come into the corporate office 2-3 times a week to file (or whatever it was he wanted to conjure up for me to do). I took my 2 weeks vacation and told my new husband I felt I was being forced out of my position and that I felt it was time to quit and find something else or start my own business. He agreed and I did. I even left about a 50,000 commission on the table. When it’s time, it’s time. One month later, my husband was laid off of his job.

We wound up moving back to Illinois and taking over our house here that we could not sell (It was in 2009, and the market had crashed) and I left my family in Alabama and moved to a whole.nother.world. and although I had joined a friend’s company and was making a little bit of mulah, Nick was still not working. He has been in the home-building business for over 25 years and there wasn’t any work available in that industry.

We kept trying to pay our bills as we could but eventually we had to file bankruptcy, turn in my Mercedes back to the bank, sell our house in Alabama on a short-sale, and just try to keep our head above water. It killed me to give up that car. It represented all of my independence and hard work.

That was over two years ago and I am still without a vehicle. I haven’t wanted to just go get a junker (no offense to those who own junkers) and I’ve been working from home with my past business and current business so it’s working for now.

I have experienced giving up all pride attached to not having a vehicle, being stranded at the house and asking neighbors if I can borrow their car or have them take me to the grocery store when Nick is working.

I’ve been asked by several of my friends here that I used to meet up with at networking events “Why I suddenly dropped off the face of the planet and never attend any after hours networking events” to which I shrug my shoulders and may or may not divulge the fact that I have no wheels.

Life is tough. The economy sucks ass. People are losing employment that they’ve counted on and trusted in for years. I was one. And then suddenly, the rug seems as if it’s pulled out from under you and you don’t think you’ll ever survive. But you will.

You may have to give up some things along the way. You may have to swallow your pride and ask a friend for help. But you will survive. It may not be the American dream you dreamed of, but I can’t tell you how many times I’ve started from scratch with nothing. I’ve had and lost and had again. It will come back around.

And those clients that can’t meet me virtually will have to work around my best friend and neighbor Lorrie’s schedule (She’s been so great to loan me her car – along with a few other folks who I owe). That’s what friends do and I am so blessed to have so many wonderful friends and connections, not only here in Chicago, but all over the planet.

Turns out, all I really wound up losing was my pride.

In the end, it could be a blessing in disguise. My twenty-one year old daughter is moving here to Chicago the end of this month. Because my business has expanded and things are getting better financially, I have a little extra to get a decent vehicle now and I’ve been thinking to myself, “Wait.One.Minute. If I don’t get a vehicle, I can honestly respond to my daughters call for taxi (that’s me) to come and cart her somewhere with, ‘I’m sorry honey, I don’t have a car.’”