Category Archives: Fraternizing

Dating at work – what’s your policy?

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Since it’s mushy-gushy Valentine’s Day, I thought I would delve into this topic of “Dating at Work.” (AKA – fraternizing) I addressed this on a previous post HERE.

I’ve been in a couple of relationships where I worked with someone I dated (read above post for first scenario). The second one was where I was working at said company and became really good friends with one of my coworkers. He was the best! After a few months of engaging as friends we took it to the next level. We kept this relationship private for several months (although there were no policies in place against it).

The relationship was a fabulous one, I might add (away from work) and yeah, there was a little fun having a “secret” that no one else knew – only the two of us. The time came that we had to admit to our superiors that we were in fact in a serious relationship and it looked as though we were moving in together (hey, at least we could save on fuel and car pool). They took it like champs and we agreed to try and keep work and life separate.

One problem with that is if you don’t know how to turn that switch off you’ll wind up discussing all kind of crap at the dinner table, in the restaurants, and in bed before going to sleep. (Yes, I said it!) And that’s what happened, about 50% of the time. Oh, and did I mention that I worked in an industry that was made up of approximately 89% of the male population? That made for a lot of discussion especially when I was expected to whine and dine potential customers off the clock.

All in all, it can work. It’s just a matter of keeping a few things in mind:

1. Make sure your policy at work is accepting (otherwise, don’t risk it)

2. Be able to turn the ON switch to OFF  when you walk out that door

3. Trust your partner (doesn’t that go without saying?) and understand that work is work!

4. Stay private (no one needs to know about your private life and if you open that up you’re doomed)

5. Don’t sleep with the boss (I felt the need to throw that in)

The relationship I discussed above turned out to be awesome and lasted almost three years but it was very challenging to keep in tact because of certain issues which could never be resolved. Oh, and it had nothing to do with our working together.

Photo Credit: WeBeGirls

Fraternizing at work

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Fraternization is described in Wikipedia as “‘turning people into brothers‘- conducting social relations with people who are actually unrelated and/or of a different class (especially those with whom one works) as though they were siblings, family members, personal friends or lovers.”

In and of itself, fraternizing is a good thing. However, bad things can and do happen. Let’s explore -

After my divorce, I met this great guy who happened to have moved from North Carolina to Florida. He and I became “involved” and I was looking to start a fresh life out of the small town in Alabama in which I had lived most my life, so I took a job in the city in which he moved, packed my shit, and moved in with him. It all seemed fine, at the time.

I began my new job working in what appeared to be a great company, with great people and was off to a great start in building my new life, with this great guy. However, when he moved to Florida, he didn’t have a job but was in the process of looking for work. He found a temporary position in sales (you know, when you’re in sales you can pretty much find something). That position didn’t pan out though, and then one day it happened – probably around the dinner table.

“Do you think you could get me on where you work?”….. And to my demise, I agreed to go to the office manager and talk with her about hiring him for an inside sales position. The next thing I knew, we were commuting together, going to lunch together and then things got worse.

Due to the nature of my position (Executive Assistant to the President) I spoke with vendors on a daily basis (mostly men). Mr. X would walk into my office at different times of the day and ask, “Who was that you were talking to?”…. And of course this would make for a longggggggg drive home while playing twenty-questions. It was the WORST!

Somehow we had both managed to befriend the office manager and she was now all-up-in-our-business and quickly became our counselor (Sorry, I just threw up in my mouth from thinking about this). The next thing I knew, she  and her boyfriend were double-dating with me and Mr. X.

This all turned out for the worst – as you can imagine. I finally decided that it was time to break up with Mr. X and Ms. Office Manager and I left the company and moved back to Alabama. So much for my new-found life.

My advice? Making friends at work to a point can be beneficial. Taking it outside and enjoying rounds of tequilla shots with working pals, well – that can be good too. But working with significant others in a place other than your own business, can turn into a frickin’ nightmare.

I’m all for having friends at work and creating a support of healthy emotional support in the workplace but we must set boundaries.  And a word of advice – keep your love life business in the confines of your dwelling (home).

More on this subject at a later date! In the meantime, enjoy this piece on Office Taboo.